The odd thing was, the more embarrassed I wasat Mother's publicly feminizing me, it seemed that the more animated andhappy she became. Well, it was more than happy; it was almost as if shehad taken a drug that made her euphoric. And of course, as with anydrug, when a little makes you feel good, your first response is to wantmore.....Needless to say, we were not done. Mother said, "Sydney, why don't weswing by the shoe department. Maybe we can find you something."I thought back to earlier in the day when Mother had painted my toes.Now I knew why she did not promise that no one would find out! The lastthing in the world I wanted at this moment was to go to the shoedepartment and have someone see my painted toenails!! Combine that withthe lipstick I was wearing, and, OMG. And, even though I was delicate,and pretty for a boy, with my short hair, lack of any other feminineitems like earrings, girls clothes, etc., it was very clear that I was aboy. A boy wearing lipstick, with. After our evening studies, Kimiko asked to see me privately. She presented me with a poster which was a print of Octopus and shell diver, and I thanked her by being the octopus for her.February 11, 1984, Milford, OhioAs I neared Milford, I tried to order the jumbled thoughts I’d had during the drive. Mostly they were about Clarissa. We hadn’t moved past a single French kiss before falling asleep with me in my pyjama bottoms and her in her nightgown. I hadn’t tried to advance things, and she hadn’t encouraged me to do so. I wasn’t sure we’d ever ‘hit a home run’, and if that was the case, I would never voice a complaint, or really, even think one. I loved Clarissa FAR too much to do anything like that.Sophia and I were doing a slow dance towards what seemed to me like an inevitable end, and I was reasonably sure she felt the same way. Ultimately, it wasn’t marrying a doctor, or even marrying a clergyman, but the rigor associated with church that was going to stand in our way. Sophia.
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